Any change within a family has the potential to create stress in the family situation. When children are involved, it can sometimes seem like a wise thing to hide the facts to avoid an emotional meltdown. This, however, is never the way to go about bringing your children into the reality of change. Since the unknown is always worse than the known, you should always give your children enough information to ease their fears.
You don ‘t need to get technical, but give them information appropriate to their age-levels. For instance, if you are helping your cerebral palsied child with some exercises to help with their movement and muscle tone, their siblings may be curious. Instead of trying to explain the physiological reasons behind the exercises, you might say, “They need some extra special exercises to help their legs get stronger”, or “Their muscles don’t work the same as yours, try not to tell you children half-truths, even if it seems easier at the time. Even if one answer may be easier for you to explain why your child is crying, saying he’s sad when it is because of his cerebral palsy will only further confuse his siblings. Assuring your children that their sibling cannot die for cerebral palsy is important, as they will no-doubt quickly sense that something is wrong due to the frequent visits to many different doctors and therapists. You should also try to reassure your child that it is okay to feel strongly about their sibling’s disability, and that it isn’t anyone’s fault that they have cerebral palsy. Remember, a straightforward approach diffuses fear and helps your child feel important and a vital part of the care-giving.
Once you have explained your child’s disability to your other children, you should still expect to have to re-explain it. Even once they understand that their sibling is disabled, they still may not know what their sibling can and cannot do, and as the disabled child grows and becomes stronger or begins to master the use of special mechanical aids and communications devices, what they can and cannot do will change drastically. You can help this process of understanding along by periodically pointing out your disabled child’s small victories to his or her brothers and sisters. For instance, “Remember when he couldn’t walk? Now he can run on his crutches!” Not only will this help them to better understand their sibling’s progress, it will also be positive reinforcement of their attitudes and feelings towards their disabled sibling.
As a parent, having a new child with special needs can be overwhelming, and having other children in the home already can lead to much competing for attention, even when the newborn is not disabled. Be assured that this is a normal reaction for older siblings, and as long as you do your best to balance the attention, it should eventually dissipate. Having a child with special needs means that they may not always be able to accompany the family on special outings. For instance, if your family has planned to go on a picnic, but there is quite a lot of hiking required to get there, it is likely your child with cerebral palsy will not be able to go. Instead of canceling the whole family outing, as the other siblings may feel they are suffering on the behalf of your cerebral palsied child’s enjoyment, have one family member stay home and plan a special activity for just the two of them. This will help to avoid possible resentment by other siblings.
